χιουμορ αγγλιστι 2

My favorite Toscanini story is the one about the time he was walking

through the streets of Rome when he passed an organ grinder on the

street. "You're playing too fast!" complained Toscanini.

A few days later he chanced to pass the same organ grinder and saw

that he had put up a large sign reading "Student of Toscanini."

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A police officer called in to the station on his radio.

"I have an unusual case here. A elderly lady has shot her husband for

walking on her freshly mopped floor."

"Do you have her in custody?"

"Not yet, the floor's still wet."

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A woman asks a male co-worker for advice on a sensitive subject.

"Two weeks ago when I saw my boyfriend he had a new box of condoms on

his nightstand, but last week 1/3 of them were gone.  I asked him why,

and he said he used a condom to masturbate because he liked the feeling.

Is that normal?"

"Oh, sure.  All guys do that!"

"Really?  Do you use a condom to masturbate?"

"Oh, no, of course not.  I thought you meant lying to their girlfriends."

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Mary had a little skirt

It split right up the sides

And everywhere that Mary went

The boys could see her thighs

.......................................

Mary had another skirt

It split right up the front

She didn’t wear that one

........................................

Gary had a pair of shorts

The back was made of glass

And everywhere that Gary went

The people saw his ass

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                    Derby Town

In Derby town, in Derby town,
The streets are made of glass;
And every time you walk on them
You fall right on your

In Derby town, in Derby town,
Two men were digging a ditch;
One was the son of an Englishman
The other the son of a

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Of all the birds I'd like to be
I'd like to be a duck
So I could swim around at night
And watch the people

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I have a sad story to tell you

It may hurt your feelings a bit

Last night when I walked into my bathroom

I stepped in a big pile of shh-