Πέμπτη 5 Σεπτεμβρίου 2024
μια ιστοριουλα
Ο φίλος μου ο Γιώργος Κούνδουρος
έτρωγε μακαρόνια άσπρα.
Καθόταν στην ταβέρνα ''Λυκόβρυση''
με την πλάτη κολλημένη στον τοίχο,
Κάθε μέρα τρεις η ώρα,
έστριβε τα μουστάκια του κι έτρωγε
μια μακαρόνια άσπρα χωρίς σάλτσα.
Αφού τον ήξερε ο Αποστόλης,
το γκαρσόνι,
και μόλις τον έβλεπε
του πήγαινε τη μακαρονάδα.
Μια φορά άλλαξε, λέει ''Μπιφτέκι''.
Του πάει το μπιφτέκι,
περνάει εκείνη τη στιγμή
ο κυρ - Γιάννης ο Τσαρούχης
και αφηρημένος δεν τον είδε.
Του λέει ο Γιώργος:
''Τι έγινε Γιάννη,
δε μας χαιρετάς τώρα;''
και ο άλλος, ετοιμόλογος:
''Με συγχωρείς,
δε σε γνώρισα με το μπιφτέκι.''
Τετάρτη 4 Σεπτεμβρίου 2024
μεσω Κωστα Μαρτινιδη
Το πουλί στο σκλι:
Τι να μας πεις κι εσύ, που τα μόνα γράμματα που ξέρεις είναι τα 3 πρώτα του
αλφαβήτου κι αυτά με λάθος σειρά.!!
*****************************************
Ζητείται γκόμενα με το όνομα Τούλα!
Δεν έχω λεφτά να σβήσω το tattoo!!
*************************************
-Τρένο, αεροπλάνο, τρόλεϊ, μηχανή, αυτοκίνητο, λεωφορείο,
πλοίο..
–Τι λες ρε;
-Μιλάω μεταφορικά.!
*******************************
Ο μικρός μου στέκεται με μια επιφύλαξη απέναντι στους
κρόκους των αυγών. Δεν τολμάει να τους φάει! Είναι κροκόδειλος.!
********************************
-Τι έχεις;
-Ήπια συμπτώματα..
-Και αυτά τα ήπιες ρε μ@λάκα;!!
********************************
- Σία πρέπει να χωρίσουμε
-Γιατί;
- Δεν έχει σημασία!
-ΚΑΙ ΕΠΕΙΔΗ ΔΕΝ ΕΧΕΙ ΣΗΜΑ ΘΑ ΜΕ ΧΩΡΙΣΕΙΣ ΡΕ ΗΛΙΘΙΕ;
***********************************
Ο άλλος ήταν τόσο γκαντέμης που είδε μαύρη γάτα ..και την
κτύπησε αυτοκίνητο!
agglisti
In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin,
and very proud of it.
Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring
to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the
town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make
proper "final" arrangements.
As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the
following inscription engraved on her tombstone:
"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.
A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to
prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent
that the tombstone she had selected was much too small for the wording that she
had chosen.
He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's
final request considering the very limited space available on the small piece
of stone.
For days, he agonized over the dilemma, but finally his experience
as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the
appropriate solution to the problem.
The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and
it read as follows:
"RETURNED UNOPENED"
One morning, a husband returns to their cabin after several hours of
fishing and decides to take a nap.
Before long, a Game Warden pulls up beside her in his boat.
"Reading a book," she replies, thinking, "Isn't that
obvious?"
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs
her.
She responds, "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing; I'm
reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to write you up
a ticket."
"For reading a book?" she asks, incredulously.
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he repeats.
"But officer, I'm not fishing; I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could
start at any moment. I'll have to write you up a ticket and you'll have to pay
a fine."
The woman calmly replies, "If you do that, I'll have to charge
you with sexual assault."
The Game Warden, bewildered, says, "But I haven't even touched
you."
"That's true," she says, "but you have all the
equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment."
Τρίτη 3 Σεπτεμβρίου 2024
agglisti
In a small Southern town, a prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand—a sweet, elderly grandmother. He confidently approached
her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She replied, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known
you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot, but you haven't the brains to
realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes,
I know you."
The lawyer was stunned and didn't know how to recover. Desperate, he
pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't
build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the
worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney nearly collapsed.
The judge quickly called both lawyers to approach the bench. In a
low, serious tone, he said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows
me, I'll send you both to the electric chair!"
A man enters the confessional and says 'Bless me father for I have
sinned; it has been one month since my last confession.
I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month.'
The priest tells the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three
Hail Mary's.'
Soon, another man enters the confessional. 'Father, it has been two
months since my last confession.
I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two
months.'
This time the priest asks, 'Who is this Fannie Green?'
'A new woman in the neighbourhood,' the sinner replies.
'Very well,' says the priest. 'Go and say ten Hail Mary's.'
The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his
sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church.
All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle
and sits down in front of the altar.
Her dress is green and very short, with matching very shiny emerald
green shoes.
The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs
slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone style.
The priest turns to the altar boy and whispering asks, 'Is that
Fannie Green?'
The altar boy replies, 'No Father, I think it's just the reflection
off
her shoes
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