agglisti

 

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin, and very proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements.

As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.

A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.

He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.

For days, he agonized over the dilemma, but finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:

"RETURNED UNOPENED"

 ************************************************************

One morning, a husband returns to their cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.   Meanwhile, his wife, though not familiar with the lake, decides to take the boat out to enjoy the beautiful day.   She motors a short distance, anchors, and begins to relax with her book. 

Before long, a Game Warden pulls up beside her in his boat.   He greets her with a, "Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing?" 

"Reading a book," she replies, thinking, "Isn't that obvious?" 

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. 

She responds, "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing; I'm reading." 

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to write you up a ticket." 

"For reading a book?" she asks, incredulously. 

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he repeats. 

"But officer, I'm not fishing; I'm reading." 

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment. I'll have to write you up a ticket and you'll have to pay a fine." 

The woman calmly replies, "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault." 

The Game Warden, bewildered, says, "But I haven't even touched you." 

"That's true," she says, "but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment."