agglisti

 

A Pastor once entered his donkey in a race, and to his delight, it won! Excited by the victory, he entered it in another race, and once again, his donkey came out on top. The local newspaper couldn't resist a clever headline: "PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT."

However, the Bishop wasn't amused by the attention this brought and ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races. But the story didn't end there—the next day's headline read: "BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS."

The Bishop, now deeply embarrassed, demanded the Pastor get rid of the donkey altogether. So, the Pastor decided to give it to a Nun at a nearby convent. Of course, the local paper had a field day with that one too: "NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN."

That was the last straw for the Bishop. He insisted the Nun sell the donkey, which she did for $10. The next day, the paper announced: "NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10."

The Bishop, now completely overwhelmed, instructed the Nun to buy back the donkey and set it free in the plains. Naturally, the paper had one final headline: "NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE."

The Bishop didn't survive the ordeal, and he was buried the next day.

The moral of the story? Worrying about public opinion can bring you endless stress and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and live your life to the fullest. Stop stressing about everyone else's "ass" and just take care of your own! You'll find yourself much happier and healthier in the end.

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An old woman walked up to the hitching post, tying her trusty mule securely. As she dusted off her clothes and face from the long journey, a young gunslinger swaggered out of the saloon. With a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a gun in the other, he spotted the old woman and couldn’t resist mocking her. With a sneer, he called out, "Hey, old woman, have you ever danced?"

The old woman glanced up calmly and replied, "No, I never did dance… never really wanted to."

By now, a curious crowd had gathered, eager to see what would happen next. The young gunslinger, grinning from ear to ear, taunted her again, "Well, you old bag, you're gonna dance now!" He began shooting at her feet, forcing the old woman to hop around to avoid the bullets. The crowd erupted in laughter as the gunslinger fired round after round.

Once the last bullet was spent, the gunslinger, still chuckling, holstered his gun and turned to head back inside the saloon. But before he could take a step, the old woman turned to her pack mule and pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, cocking both hammers with a loud, unmistakable click. The sound echoed through the desert, and suddenly, the crowd wasn’t laughing anymore.

The young gunslinger froze, slowly turning around to face her. The silence was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. He stared down the twin barrels of the shotgun, held steady in the old woman’s hands. In a quiet but firm voice, she asked, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard, fear flashing in his eyes. He stammered, "No ma’am… but I’ve always wanted to."

And the moral of the story? Five important lessons for us all:

Never be arrogant. Don’t waste ammunition. Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. Always make sure you know who has the power. Don’t mess with old women; they didn’t get old by being stupid.