lost in translation

Kleptomaniacs help themselves because they can’t help themselves.

The only thing flat earthers have to fear...

...is sphere itself.

What part of a clock is always old?
The second hand… 

 

I've just had a letter from a herb and spice company, saying that I owe them £200....

If I don't pay within 14 days, they're sending the bay leafs round!

Bought a grenade today from a pawn shop.
Things went terribly wrong when the cashier asked for my PIN.