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Retirement :it is nice to get out of the rat-race,but you have to learn to get along with less cheese

I used to work in an art supply store.  We sold artists’   canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two   widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.

Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"

Me: "Certainly, what width?"

Customer:  "Scissors?"

when we were sixteen or so, a friend and I were trying to come up with band names. He had drawn a great eye, and we thought of names that would go well with this eye as a logo -- The Eye. The Look. The Stare.The Gaze.

The Gaze! We liked it until we said it out loud.

Bubba's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins!..... A boy and a girl.  The babies are fine and your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother. He's a complete moron!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," says the doctor.

The new mother says, "Wow, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother..I like Denise."

Then she asks, "What's the boy's name?" 

"Denephew '' .